"Two sisters”
Chapter one
Hi I am moon today I told you a short story please read.
A long time ago I saw two sisters
On the Earth. The first girl’s name was Mahya and she was eighteen. The second girl’s name was Ayda and she was fifteen. They were kind and nice. Every morning they went to the woods and walked together and read book or they were picking fruits and flowers for the house. When the night came, they sat on the roof and looked at me and explained the events of the day. They were so happy.
One night Mahya came alone. And she told me “Hi Moon. How’s it going? I have a bad news for you. Are you ready? Well, well, I have cancer and I am very confused you know, Ayda is crying in the room but the truth is bitter.”
“Ah I am very sad but I promise I’ll be fine. Do you hear me, Moon? I promise”
سلام فاطمه خانم. داستانتون رو از لحاظ ساختاری یه ویرایش گذرا کردم.
در کل خوب می‌نویسید و اگه به همین شکل ادامه بدید نوشتارتون به مرور بهتر و بهتر میشه.
اینم ویرایش داستانتون 
“Two sisters”
Chapter one
A long time ago I saw two sisters
On the Earth. The first girl’s name was Mahya and she was eighteen. The second girl’s name was Ayda and she was fifteen. They were kind and nice. Every morning they went to the woods and walked together and read book or they were picking fruits and flowers for their house. When the night came, they sat on the roof and looked at me and explained the events of the day. They were so happy.
One night Mahya came alone. And she told me “Hi Moon. How’s it going? I have a bad news for you. Are you ready? Well, well, I have cancer and I am very confused you know, Ayda is crying in the room but the truth is bitter.”
“Ah I am very sad but I promise I’ll be fine. Do you hear me, Moon? I promise”.
سلام پری خانم خیلی ممنون بابت ویرایش 
دستتون درد نکنه
یه داستان قشنگ دیگه 
آفرین همینطوری ادامه بده! 
پری جان زحمت ویرایش رو کشیدن 
در کل عالی 
مچکرمممم
سلام فاطمه جون 
با یه داستان قشنگ دیگه منو شگفت زده کردی 
موفق باشی عزیزم 
سلام خوشگل خانم 
شبت سرشار از موفقیت و شادی و تندرستی 
تبریک خانم بسیار بسیار خوشحال شدم دوباره شروع کردی به نوشتن 
داستانکت هم دوست داشتم بخصوص اینکه پری جان هم زحمت ویرایشش رو کشیدند عالی شد خانم گل 
باارزوی داستانهای بیشتر منتظر هستیم نازنیینم 
سلام گلی جووونم دلم برات تنگ شده بود فدات برمم عزیزم @sama-golab
…
سلام میترا جونم خیلی ممنونم دخمله مهربون @mitra9
Well done dear fatemeh 
Keep it up 
مرسی جیجل … 
سلام فاطمه بانو
خیلی عالیه
با قدرت ادامه بده چون موفقیت از آنِ توست
سلام حنانه خانم خیلی ممنونم بابت انرژی مثبتت