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Hello hello everyone, this is me Kambiz. I’m back with a new series of podcast. Of course I haven’t worked on any podcast. So why I’m saying new series…
Because from now-on everything I learn, I’ll share them with you guys. In the past I would just record to challenge myself in English. And that was all. But I decided to put some transcript for my new set of podcasts so everyone can use them and maybe give their own idea to me and I learn from them too. So what am I gonna talk about in these podcast?
It depends. Maybe it’s gonna be about a book I’ve read, or some podcast I’ve listen to, or maybe a movie I watched or whatever… So all I want to share is my own opinion about some different subjects.
So the first episode’s title is gonna be “Apology and reconciliation” . where I found this subject? So ladies and gentlemen, if you are willing to know… go on and download Zabanshenas’s application and install it on your smart phone and add The VIP lesson from A.J Hoge. And enjoy this subject.
Why I chose this one to talk about?
You know I was wondering, there were several times that me and my friends argued and made each other upset.
Some of my relationships with them failed and ended and some of them still continue.
We are all humans. Sometimes we get angry and talk very loudly and make people upset. Maybe our family or our friends. So how can we continue our relationship even after we had a fight ? Of course… you guessed it right. We have to reconcile or apologize to each other and heal the relationship, specially the relationships which is very very important to us.
So how? Just saying I’m sorry is enough?
I don’t think so… and of course it depends why we need to reconcile.
In the lesson A.J is talking about a friend of him which hasn’t contacted her daughter for more than 20 years.
So in this case… I don’t think saying I’m sorry is enough. Because they let go of the relationship for 20 years… So the father ( AJ’s friend) had to use some Special techniques and steps to heal that Important relationship.
So I’m gonna give you guys some advice which I learned from AJ’s lesson. So here we go…
What do we need before reconciling? I usually see people are somehow afraid of the negative answers they will receive from the other person or maybe they have pride which is preventing them to apologize effectively.
So the ingredients of having a great and effective reconciliation is to swallow you pride and stop being afraid of the negative actions you’ll face.
Sometimes I’ve seen people even though they are apologizing they are so prideful. For example they’ll say “ I don’t usually say I’m sorry but for you I am sorry” Really ? really dude?
I think they think the other person will say: “oh my goodness it’s an honor for me. Thank you very much for giving me this privilege. “ For god’s sake you’re apologizing for something that you’ve messed up. So stop being a jerk…
By the way…
After you swallow your pride and fear you have to realize they’re upset and why they’re upset?
Because sometimes people are clueless. They don’t know even why the other person is angry with them.
So after you found out that they’re somehow upset you have to ask them. Ask them is there something wrong? Did I do something bad?
Even if you haven’t done something and they’re not upset because of you. They will appreciate that you’re asking them and it will strengthen your relationship with the person.
So at this step you have to realize why they’re upset and make them understand that you are aware of it.
Now is the time. If you want to apologize and the relationship is very important to you, you have to be 100% responsible for it.
Usually people think everything is equal, relationships are equal…
But It’s not. You are 100% responsible. Just tell me which thing in this world is equal?
In any aspect in our life nothing is equal. Money, hotness, intelligence, skills and whatever… nothing is equal. So don’t seek for that… Just do your own job. In this case you are 100% responsible for apologizing. So if the relationship is important to you, you have to forget about the other person. Swallow your pride and be responsible for everything.
You have to be remorseful and show that you are so…so sorry. This is the step you have to apologize to the other person.
In this step ( I think is the toughest one ) you have to be calm and take every bad stuff they’re throwing at you and listen calmly because it will show them that you are remorseful and you seek to heal the relationship.
Here is the trick. Usually when people want to apologize they up shift and force the other person to accept their apology. Actually you have to down shift, listen calmly and drain the negative emotions from them.
For example if they’re angry at you because you said something bad to them. Make them talk instead of whining for them.
I’m sorry…. I did some bad stuff I’m sorry…
It’s terrible in this way, you’re not draining the emotions from them. You’re annoying them. Instead of talking so much you have to make them talk and all you need to do is listening.
If they’re saying “I’m angry because you said something bad to me.”
You have to drain the emotion and make them talk by mirroring their behaviors. In this case you say:
“I see… so you are angry because I said that thing… I understand…”
Just give them some excerpt of what they’re saying. He says “I’m angry”, you say “oh so you’re angry because…” In this way you’re emptying their anger and make them feel understood.
This is a very important principle you have to understand. Most of the time people can talk easily and usually talking won’t prove anything. So you have to show the other person that you regretted what you’ve done.
If you broke his cell phone buy one for him. And some other examples like this.
This is a very important aspect of reconciling.
This aspect is depended on how deep the relationship is broken?
If it’s so deep, don’t think just one time does the job. If the relationship is really really important you have to take as much as it takes. 10 times? 100 times?
You have to repeat the whole process again and again and again until the relationship is healed.
So sometimes It will take so much time. So be patient specially if the relationship matters the most.
Think of it my friends. Life is about passion and love. So sometimes taking these huge steps can make our lives more loving and more caring. Even if the other person won’t accept our apology we’ll feel free and we’ll clean our guilt. At least we say we tried.
So if you have someone who you think is needed to be added to your life, go on and reconcile with them.
Hope you guys enjoyed it, see you next time…
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